


the heart of the matter.

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Awareness Week, Asexual Character, Gen, asexual character written by asexual author, ittttttt is self-projection time My Dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:55:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27288271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: If anyone were to call him out for it he’d deny it, but Zolf’s got a sappy romantic heart.
Relationships: Zolf Smith & Everyone
Comments: 12
Kudos: 32





	the heart of the matter.

If anyone were to call him out for it he’d deny it, but Zolf’s got a sappy romantic heart. Now this was evident through his love of Campbell’s, of course, but in any other context he’d deny deny deny.

For a long time he’s kept his heart guarded, if mostly because he didn’t see the point. There was always more work to do and He’d feel uneasy when his parents talked about grandchildren or when Feryn mentioned how he saw the girl up the road look at Zolf with interest. There was something in his chest that always rejected that and at the time he was too young and naive to really process what that meant.

Then his world just got more complicated. Starting with...the accident and ending with, well, he doesn’t know yet. Running away from home took him to the middle of the sea where a lot more gossip and hijinks ensue than one might think.

It was a small ship with a lot of people. A crew as loyal and fierce as they come and a captain with enough wit and charm for five people, probably more. No one was immune, not even Zolf. It wasn’t long till they gained the trust of each other that led to spending more time together alone. It’s what he wanted, almost anyway. Still something felt off in his chest, but not in a bad way. Wires crossed somewhere that he couldn’t explain. It wasn’t that he didn’t  _ want _ to, just that he didn’t  _ need _ to. He simply rarely felt the call for that sort of intimacy.

She took it in stride and said that’s alright and admittedly that made him breathe a bit easier. Most nights they spent together after that involved reading books with arms wrapped around each other with faint kisses on cheeks. Once or twice the occasion arose for something more and together they crossed that bridge when they came to it.

He was comfortable and it felt nice. There was never any pressure for more and no complaints about less. It was good.

Then the world got in the way again and she was gone. He doesn’t know what happened and maybe he never will. Wherever she is he hopes she’s well.

He keeps his heart a bit more open now and maybe that’s due to the people he’s around. His friends, his chosen family. An old friend he thought was dead, a strong paladin with a faith in her goddess he wished he was able to have, an alchemist who maybe he’s a bit too similar with.

He loves them all and he trusts them. He doesn’t have to hide the sides of him he doesn’t want to. He can be proud and open with them and he tries to do that more and more each day.

It slips out one day when they’re arguing about Campbells. “I don’t even care about the bloody wha-whatever the-you know the-” he stumbles. Maybe, there’s been a bit to drink as well during this discussion. Cel, Hamid, and Azu look at him with various degrees of amusement. He can’t bring himself to look at Cel. He sighs and lets out a breath to get the nerves back out, “I don’t read them for the saucy stuff, alright? Like, that’s fine, but the romance is all I’m invested in,” he mumbles. His cheeks are red and he hopes to blame it on the grogg.

“But Zolf even that’s-” Hamid begins in a high squeak but Azu and Cel both cut him off.

“I understand, Zolf,” Azu says.

“Right-Right me too you know I always thought the way those scenes are written is highly unrealistic anyway I mean there’s the one where they try to-oh, uh, well, you don’t need to hear it,” Cel butts in, cutting themselves off from a tangent that Zolf finds himself rather interested actually. Maybe later he can ask about it, if he’s not utterly embarrassed from this conversation.

He gives a smile to each of his friends and brings a hand to the back of his neck to rub out some nerves. He suddenly wishes that he had something stronger. He grabs his favorite book and leaves them be. He blushes a little extra as he reads through the same scene over and over.

He’s confident in what he feels and one day maybe it’ll change but right now all he knows is what his heart tells him to, and that’s fine with him.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Ace Week!!!! Zolf being ace is very important to me for a variety of reasons and I'm just happy he exists very much.
> 
> Basically took what my experience discovering and coming to terms with my asexuality and put it into Zolf bc that is what he's there for right heh~
> 
> Anyways, hope you enjoyed. Again happy ace week to all fellow aces out there. You're all valid and incredible and deserve the love you want<3


End file.
